The Long Road

I knew it was coming, but my father's decision today still took me by surprise. I have spent the whole day in a funk. My step-mom is riddled with malignant cancer, and her memory is being eaten away at by vascular dementia. She remembers, sadly, the PAIN from her operation earlier this year, and is scared of more, as well as determined as one in her position can be of more. Dad had finally accepted something I know was beyond hard- he, we, have to stop trying to extend her life. My step-sister Sandy and I have been talking to each other, and were determined to quietly convince them to not do anymore. Circumstances are such that she will not survive, no matter what is done, and putting her thru hell for less than a 50% chance of anything doing any good....it just isn't worth what would end up feeling like torture.

When my mom was facing one more doctor with one more diagnosis, I was not a happy kid ( I was 40...) At the cancer hospital in Houston, the guy was to the point and as tasteful about the truth as one could be. I can't thank him enough. I felt mom take a breath, and the weight of the continued fight just fell away. My mom Jeanne Marie was of sound mind. The decision was completely hers and I trusted her to know what she wanted.
My step mom Mary can't be given that same trust about a lot of things. Something in the back of her mind knows it too, as frustrated as she must get sometimes. Luckily, she doesn't remember it for long. It's strange it is a blessing that she doesn't know......She does remember the pain though. Irony would have it that our most vivid memories are often of the worst things in our lives. I am personally determined that what time she has left- months, possibly a year or two, will be as pain free as we can make it.

And that leaves my dad.

I am made of the same material as my dad, and I know he wants to do as much of this himself as he can. The man is 86 though. I am concerned, but,as I know myself, I know him, and it will be a bit of a fight for him to relinquish some of the control. He loves Mary, and wants to protect her, no matter the difficulty. Sandy and I would like to see Hospice involved, which can be as much or as little as he needs.

This blog isn't too cry my eyes out- I have seen death too much for that. It is about giving myself a place to let out frustration without it getting in Dad and Mary's way, This really is going to be a long road, for all of us.

For now, I wait, doing what I can. Our entire world will change bit by bit, as Mary needs us more. I am wondering how to make it as peaceful and happy a time as I can.
Suggestions welcomed.