Relief

Everyone needs a support group- friends ,family, people who will just be there, when there isn't anything else one can do.

I wrote a long lettre to my sibs last evening, trying to bring them up to snuff about Mary and Dad. Dad's been busy and hasn't taken the time to communicate with the others what is happening. He can't get much time alone, due to an odd combination of Mary clinging to him, and a weird shade of paranoia she has developed. She in very centered on Dad, for all things. I am guessing he is the one truly familiar constant in her life. Sandy and I appear to be the other ones. And for some reason I have yet to completely figure out, Mary is constantly worried that people are talking about her behind her back. This started long before anyone had any reason to be secretive, and it has escalated as the dementia has worsened. All phone convos are questioned if she isn't listening in on the speaker phone, and writing e-mails is a no-no if she isn't in the room. I don't how much she can actually read and comprehend these days, honestly. She won't get on the computer anymore, not even to play her once beloved solitaire games. She feels she won't remember how. she could be right, but the mental exercise might also help. Using the brain is the best way to keep it sharp.

Anyway, my sibs all responded as quickly as they read the lettre, and while there really isn't much more than moral support that they can be (they all live in other states, more than a thousand miles away in three different directions,) it made me feel better. I haven't felt quite so alone in this with dad today.

Having to sit around, more or less on my hands, is really frustrating. The best I can hope to do is get Mary out of the house, or the bothof them, so they don't start sniping at one another due to cabin fever. Dad's pretty good about getting out of the house every day or so with Mary, just to get out. Sometimes he needs a little down time though, so Sandy or I try to get Mary to go with us too.

I am one of those people who reacts very fast and quite calmly in an emergency, the adrenaline sharpening me. Having to be so aware, yet moving at a near snail's pace is almost more stressful.

I am joking, mind you, but I wonder if I could get Mary to take a yoga class with me- get us out and let me relax at the same time! Dad takes her with him to go bat some tennis balls around. He's frustrated in that respect- he has played tennis since he was 14, and wants to get out and do that again...need to. It's a way to let off steam. And I can tell you right now, that 86 year old could beat the pants off of most of you!

Ah well. We slug along. I haven't heard from them today and it's too late to call now, but they were going to speak to an oncologist about "other options." I hope Sandy talked them out of it (she's a nurse.) Tomorrow. Tonight, I am lighter in my head and heart than I have been for several days, and I am going to go hang out with my "daughter " Medrith, and forget for a bit.

May the New Moon, and the Festival of Lights, Diwali, bring enlightenment and joy.